Tuesday, April 11, 2006

I hope you know...this means war!

I'm living by the book today. Meaning, I checked my fasting sugar (94!); then ate breakfast; ate nothing until I checked at 2 hours post (125!); then had one--just ONE--snack of a granola bar; didn't eat again until lunchtime, which was an hour ago; and won't eat again for another hour although I still feel terribly hungry; I will have one--just ONE--snack and I won't stop for a king-size Twix when I leave to feed the baby today; I will have a decent dinner and I won't snack before dinner; and I won't snack after dinner although I know I'll still feel terribly hungry all day.

See, my favorite pants are getting a little snug. As I was sitting on the couch last night snuggling with the baby at 8 p.m., still dressed in my work clothes, I said "I need to take my pants off." To which my husband replied, "That's the best thing you've said all day." Chuckle, chuckle. Anyway. I've been here before. I watch my clothes get smaller and my waist get bigger and instead of inspiring me to eat less, I actually eat more.

So I'm trying to be proactive. Last week I walked two days in a row and it felt so good. So good. I have already told myself that I WILL walk tonight. I will get hot and sweaty and I will really have to convince myself to go because I have a ton of other stuff to do, but I WILL walk tonight.

I just can't figure out this constant hunger issue I'm having. I know I need extra calories because I'm still breastfeeding, but I feel like no matter how much I eat it's not enough. And often I can hold it together most of the day, but by mid- to late afternoon I lose it and eat everything in sight and still feel ridiculously hungry. It's a strange hunger feeling, too. It's not like a high blood sugar hunger. It's just this hollow, mildly hungry feeling. Like I need a snack to hold me over the next hour until my next meal. But when I have that snack, it's like I never ate it. I'm just never satisfied.

Anyway. So I'm hoping to whip myself back into shape mentally by not letting myself eat so much today. Hopefully my favorite pants won't be so tight after a few weeks of this.


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