Today's the day

I meet with my first-ever endocrinologist today. I'm excited, actually. I'm not entirely sure why, though. I think it has something to do with the fact that I was in such tight control and accountable to so many people during my pregnancy and now I'm only accountable to myself really. So I think that's one reason I'm excited to see him. I gathered every last blood sugar reading I ever recorded to bring with me. I know he's not really going to care less what my post-breakfast reading was on October 4, 2005, but I'm bringing the records anyway. Partly because I'm proud I still have them, partly because I'm proud of how far I've come. Looking back, in the beginning I had some pretty high fastings (248, 212, 152) and some pretty high post-meal readings (269, 224, 230). Throughout my pregnancy, though, I was 98% in range. I was always, always under 90 fasting and most of the time under 120 post-meals. Often, under 100 post-meals.

I'm also fairly scared. I have more or less fallen off the diabetes wagon lately. I'd say I'm about 70% to 80% in control, but I fudge enough that I really worry what my A1C is. I keep thinking, though, that it can't be much worse than 7, which is what it was a year ago when I was diagnosed. At that point, I didn't care at all what I was eating. Now, however, at least I'm good 70% to 80% of the time. Still, I'm not nearly as diligent nor in control as I was even just four months ago. I think in the back of my mind I'm hoping that this doctor will give me one of those looks and make me take ownership of what I've done and make me realize that I can't go back to living the way I was pre-diabetes.

I'll really only have one question for him, but it is a big'un...my post-breakfast readings are going way too far up. I can't figure out if it's some kind of insulin resistance or if my body is somehow reacting to all the crap I eat at night. Will have to ask about breastfeeding too. I've never breastfed almost exclusively. I breastfed my older two children, but when I went back to work I wasn't able to pump and therefore only breastfed the kids when I was at home. This time, though, I pump at work and leave to feed the baby. I know that has something to do with my insatiable appetite, which is making me eat almost everything in sight. Hopefully, he'll have some suggestions for that. My CDE has mentioned putting me back on Novolog, but I really don't think that's necessary. I don't know, maybe the doctor will agree.

Anyway. I'll have plenty up update on tomorrow.