I finally have an endo

OK, yes, I know this sounds absolutely insane, but I've never been to an endo. Here's why. I was diagnosed last February. The more I think about it, the more I'm sure it was the day after my son's birthday. But anyway. And, actually, my diagnosis was "pre-diabetes." I was seeing a nurse practitioner (who was studying to be a diabetes educator) at that time because my only issue was hypothyroidism. So, I believe his diagnosis was based on a fasting BS of 127. I'm pretty sure that six months earlier my glucose level was only 103. Anyway. I knew nothing of diabetes, even though my 86-year-old grandmother had just been diagnosed, as well.

He says even though I'm not diabetic we should treat it as if I am. So, he starts me on Avandia, tells me to check my BS randomly once or twice a day and to modify my diet. I set up appointments with a nutritionist and the hospital's diabetes educator. But there's still not much education in terms of where my numbers should be. I remember asking on the ADA web site message boards if I was supposed to have a range of 70 to 110 always or just for fasting. I really had no clue what I was doing.

I got a rocky start, but started to do some learning and incorporated some healthier lifestyle choices, including a 30-minute walk every morning at 5:30. Two months later and close to 15 lb. lighter, I discover I'm pregnant (thank you Avandia!). So I immediately start care with my OB, perinatologist and a new certified diabetes educator, who I absolutely adore. She starts me on Lantus and a rigorous (compared to my random/whenever I felt like it) schedule of checking my BS and logging what I eat.

Talk about a crash course in diabetes. If I only knew in the beginning what I know now...

I made it through the pregnancy with flying colors and a healthy, average-sized baby girl--7 lb. 11 oz. at 39 weeks 4 days. It's not until two months later that I realize I really ought to at least touch base with an endocrinologist. I think it's been a year since I had my A1C checked. It was 7, by the way. So I asked my CDE for a recommendation and made the appointment this morning. (They must have people calling who don't have diabetes because both people I talked to asked if I had it. I'm like, uh, ye-ah.) So I'm anxious to see what he says and to see some blood test results.

The benefits of hindsight. I dug out my very first meter the other day from the top shelf of the bathroom closet. I figured I needed to have a backup handy, especially since I had run out of strips and my pharmacy closes early on the weekends. I started reading my old log book and was sort of shocked, actually. Now, remember, my official diagnosis in February 2005 was pre-diabetes. I knew very early on in my pregnancy, however, that I was just plain old Type II diabetic and was mis-diagnosed. Had my nurse practitioner done more testing, as I now believe he should have, it would have been blatantly obvious that my pancreas was out to get me. So the one reading that especially sticks out in my mind was a fasting BS of 248. Yes, 248. And I remember that day. It was a weekend. I'm pretty sure it was the first Saturday of Lent because we had gone to McDonald's for dinner--filet o fish and fries. I knew that was high, but didn't realize how bad that really was. Other post meal readings were consistently betwen 150 and 200. I think I knew I was getting better and that things were getting to be where they were supposed to, but like I said, I really had no clue.

Now, I do have a clue. Quite a few actually, but I'm still having a lot of trouble keeping myself in line. Yesterday I woke up and repeated to myself I will have good behavior today. I will have good behavior today. I will have good behavior today. I still found myself eating six granola bars (really, I have to stop buying them because I can't keep my hands off 'em!), dinner at McDonald's and a jumbo-size box of Whoppers. Yes, I felt like crap afterwards and was dying to take a walk. I would have even run around the block even though I hate to run.

I repeated my mantra this morning...good behavior, good behavior...and was almost immediately tested when I got to work. Someone brought brownies. Man, that's my vice. I can resist most things, but not chocolate. Then, someone took the top off the container and I could smell the chocolate. I could almost taste it. I said to myself: "You've had brownies before. You know what they taste like. Yes, they taste good, but you don't want it today." I was like Yoda. I feel proud of myself to have avoided those brownies. And even as I sit here writing this, I don't crave them.

So I'm looking back to that brief period of time before I got pregnant for inspiration. Because, although I keep telling myself that I wouldn't have been as in control for as long had I not been pregnant, which is probably a little true, I know that I am capable of controlling myself for myself because I actually did that once. And I was good at it.