The seed becomes a rose

I’ve had to remind myself over the last couple days that yes, I can indeed do this.

“This” is a photo session with the newborn of a friend/colleague of mine. I’m so nervous, scared and incredibly excited all at once. I’ve been frantically scouring the pages of flickr getting ideas and wondering how I could possibly pull off something “that good” tomorrow morning.

And then I look at my own flickr page, specifically the set for Saturday, 7 a.m., and remember how laid back that morning was, and how much fun I had with the kids and how I enjoyed using the natural light. And I remind myself that my friend knows where I’m coming from, she knows I’m not a professional, she has no expectations for perfection (at least I don’t think so!).

I’ve had to remind myself, too, that I’m a talented photography hobbiest. One of my favorite comments regarding my photography came from my parents shortly after my niece was born. My brother and his wife hired a professional photographer to take pictures of their newborn. After looking at the proofs online, my dad said, “Mom and I thought you could have done that.” My heart lept. I brushed it off at the time as my folks just blowing smoke, but the more I thought about it the more I realized that I can do this.

In the back of my mind somewhere close to LaLa Land, I want this to be a ginormous success so that I can officially have a second career. (OK, not “this” as in just this one session tomorrow, but “this” as in the start of something.) Something to breathe life into our dried up checking account, to offer us hope for retirement and paying for our children to go to college. And, of course, something that breathes life into me.

A supplement, for sure, not a replacement for writing. Because heaven knows I’ve considered a life without writing and I’m just not sure I can do that. In fact, I can think of thousands of ways to write about how I’ve contemplated not writing! When I realize that, I realize that not writing is not in the cards.

And when I compare where I was when I started writing, it’s easy to remind myself that I wasn’t as good then as I am now. I’m not patting myself on the back, I’m just saying that I’ve grown and evolved. The same goes for my photography. I have to start somewhere. I have to take a deep breath and dive right in. I have to know that when I get home and start editing that I will think about the things I should have done or forgot to do. And even though I know that will happen, I have to just keep going and keep doing what I love. And take each photo one at a time.