Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Benefits of herbal tea

I’m tingly. Seriously. I started drinking a medicinal herbal tea called Mother’s Milk in an attempt to boost my production. I’ve barely gotten through half a cup and my breasts are tingly. Ok, so it’s almost time for me to pump (been three hours since the baby ate), but STILL. I can imagine, right? By the way, the tea doesn’t taste all that great, but I’m willing to give it a shot in the name of higher yields.

Another benefit of the tea is that it apparently lowers blood sugar. Sweet! So we went to a pizza buffet for lunch today to celebrate my birthday and a milestone at work. We walked to and from the restaurant, which is only about a five or so minute walk. I had four pieces of pizza and a big salad and my two hour post reading was 123! I’m so psyched. I’m thinking, though, that I need to drink the tea closer to when I’m about to pump or nurse. I just pumped and hadn’t had any tea since this morning and while I am pleased with what I pumped, it wasn’t much more than usual. However, I did get more out of the left than I had been getting, so that’s a plus. So I’ll wait until about 4 p.m. this afternoon to drink any more and see how baby eats tonight. Maybe I’ll even have a cup before she goes to bed to see if she sleeps more!

Well, on to the dinner front, I set out some chicken this morning to thaw. We’ll have fajitas. I bought carb balance tortillas, but they’re still white flour so we’ll see what happens with my BS tonight. I was getting a good brand of tortilla at Wal-Mart that was low carb and whole wheat, but they don’t carry it anymore. So I decided to go with the carb balanced tortillas versus just plain whole wheat. I think I’ve done whole wheat before and it screwed with my BS.

Ok, it’s 3:30 and I didn’t get to leave to feed the baby this afternoon and now I’m wondering when this day will end! And I feel hungry (still) even after a double snack. Ho hum.

Monday, January 30, 2006

Back to square one (sort of)

I realized today that I’m basically starting over again. Let me explain. When I was first diagnosed a year ago I didn’t just immediately jump into complete control. It wasn’t long after that first diagnosis that we found ourselves at McDonald’s for dinner. It was also shortly thereafter that our Girl Scout cookies were delivered (mmmm….Thin Mints) and that the three tubs of cookie dough I ordered for my son’s school fund-raiser arrived. But I soon found myself walking daily (at 5:30 a.m.!) and counting carbs and feeling generally really good.

So I suppose it should be no surprise that I’ve essentially been reborn. Again. I took a serious break from diabetes after the baby was born and now I’m pretty much working on getting back on track. I actually made tonight’s dinner last night. My older daughter has dance class tonight from 4:45 to 5:45 and hubby won’t be home until 6, so I’ve got this elaborate dance to perform tonight when it comes to picking up children, nursing the baby and making dinner all before getting the big kids ready for bed at 7:30 and watching “our shows” on TV tonight. So, anyway, I decided last night that if all I had to do was pop the meatballs in the oven while A is at dance class we’d be in super shape to actually eat dinner as a family without eating out. J and I will have to pick up some milk after dropping off A and before picking up the baby. Sheesh! I’m exhausted just thinking about it.

I also decided today to add a blog to my blog. (Ha!) I’m putting online my food log. Whatever I eat, I am writing down (motivation for me to know what I’m eating and stay in better control) and I decided to share it with the world in the slim chance that it might be helpful to someone else. Might be helpful to me, too. Who knows?

Friday, January 27, 2006

On and off the wagon rollercoaster

Ok I fell off the wagon last night and had Hardee’s for dinner, but I’m blaming it on my husband since he didn’t get dinner ready. Heehee. Anyway. But my sugars are rocking today, so far. My fasting was 105, which isn’t great, but not bad. I had my regular breakfast—1/2 of a peanut butter sandwich with Smucker’s natural peanut butter and just a little bit of strawberry jelly and a small glass of milk—and two hours later I’m only 106. Weird, but cool. I would have eaten a snack already, but I don’t have anything! I haven’t been to the store in two weeks, so I’m out of all my normal snack things. I do have some cheese and crackers that I brought for my afternoon snack, but I think I’m going to eat it this morning and figure out something else for my afternoon snack. I’m on a roll so far! I did get a soda this morning, but, again, I got extra ice so I can munch on that instead of dying for candy. I keep thinking that I haven’t really accounted for the fact that I’m breastfeeding in terms of how much of an appetite I have. And probably one reason it feels so weird is that I didn’t breastfeed my older children exclusively. So by the time I went back to work, the kids were getting a mix of formula and breastmilk.

I know I mentioned this already, but I really can’t wait to start walking again. I feel so light and quick sometimes that I makes me feel good to just walk down the hall or from my car to my desk. I know that it wouldn’t give me license to eat with wild abandon, but it would give me a little more leeway when I do splurge.

I was just talking to my boss who saw that I had a cookie on my desk. We started talking about the downward spiral I seem to be in. I assured her that while I did more or less take a six week break from diabetes that the last two days have really been good for me. Ok, so I had two double cheeseburgers, curly fries and two candy bars last night, but that’s not really the point is it? The point is that that was my only badness yesterday; the rest of the day I was right on track. And today? So far my only splurge has been that cookie, which wasn’t as “sinful” as it was described. Nonetheless, I’m off to get another one. Bad! Bad!

3:30 p.m.—devastating news

Mom just called and said that my brother called Dad to tell him they’re not pregnant. Brother was crying, mom was crying and now I’m about to cry. They’ve been trying for a long time. This was their first round of IVF; three eggs were implanted. I think they have two more, but Mom and I don’t remember what “package” they paid for, so we don’t know if they’ll be able to implant the other two or not. I’ve prayed for them. I know my other brother has prayed for them. I had people in my online community pray for them. I don’t know what God’s plan is for them and there’s nothing I can say to make them feel better. I just wish God would let them be parents. I know they’ll be good ones. They love kids and dote on my children. I just have to keep praying for them.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Proof that men never listen

dh is always off on thursdays b/c they work on the weekends. so he picks up the (older) kids from the sitter and school and they hang out until i get home. well, i made hair cut appointments for me and my older daughter today at 5 p.m. So i tell him to take her down there (it's a block away so we always walk) at 5, i'll pick up the baby and meet them there. i also asked him to put the lasagna in the oven at 4 p.m. so that it would be ready for dinner when we were all done with hair cuts and to shower the kids before i get home since he has fire fighting training tonight and i am tired and want to go to bed as soon as i get them in bed and the fewer tasks i have the better.

so i decide at 4 p.m. to check in with him. i actually debated whether or not to give him the benefit of the doubt and almost didn't make the call. but i did. so i say i'm calling to remind him about dinner. what about dinner, he wants to know. to put it in the oven, i say. the kids are already eating, he says. at four o'clock in the afternoon? why? because they have hair cuts at 5, he says. so at this point i start smiling and laughing. he does have the kids showered and in jammies but totally screwed up dinner. so i say what are you making for us? well, nothing because he was picking off what the kids were having. so now i'm stuck having a stinking ham sandwich for dinner when i could have had lasagna!

so i keep telling him that he didn't listen to anything i said this morning. he says yes he did listen and that i was just mad because it wasn't getting done my way. and i assured him that i wasn't mad and was indeed trying to squelch my laughter (my cheeks were hurting because i was smiling so big).

so anyway. that's my chuckle for the day and proof that men never listen.

Back on the bandwagon

I am in a mood today. I just feel yucky. It started last night. Ok, funny story. Tuesday morning I put on a bracelet that a friend of mine gave me in September when she got married. It was supposed to have some kind of healing qualities or something. Well, I’m a bit skeptical, so I was like whatever, but pretty bracelet. Well, I’m a big girl, so the bracelet fit a little snug and I was wearing a medic alert bracelet at the time so I put it in my jewelry box for someday. Well, I decided to wear it on Tuesday just for shits and grins and figured that if it got too tight I would just take it off. So I’m driving to pick up the kids after work and am thinking about the great mood I had been in all day and that it had been a while since I had felt so good. And as I’m turning the steering wheel I see the bracelet and remember that I had it on. And I think that my mood must have something to do with the bracelet. I know, I’m skeptical, but whatever, right? So I decided to wear it again on Wednesday. Again, good mood all day. Except in the evening. I was literally trying to figure out when I took the darn bracelet off and when I started feeling yucky to see if there was some correlation. So today’s Thursday and I put the bracelet on hoping that it would help clear up my mood. So far no such luck. Ho hum.

Keeping my eating under control was SO much easier when I was pregnant. I keep thinking to myself that I can’t stop eating and then the other part of my brain tells me that yes I can indeed control myself. Just sort of goes to show me that I can always put other people first, but I rarely put myself first.

So this morning I decide that my goal for the day is not only to test my blood sugar after every meal since I have really been slacking in that area since the baby was born, but also to resist the sweets and snacks temptation. Seems like for the past two months all I want to do is eat. I really thought that as soon as I got back to work and wasn’t at home feeling bored all the time that my eating would even out and I would be able to get back on the bandwagon. Well, I was wrong. It’s just the same. So I ate a TON of candy yesterday. My rationale was that the faster I eat it the faster it will be gone and the faster I won’t have to be bothered with it. Why didn’t I throw it away? Because it was chocolate and it tasted too damn good. So this morning my fasting sugar was 121! Ho-ly Shit! Yesterday or the day before it was 109 and while that was high, it was still within range and I could live with it. But 121! So I tried to think about what I had eaten for dinner and snack last night and it was nothing bad. So that candy must have really stuck with me all freaking day. So even though I told myself I needed to drink water all day I got a soda this morning from Sonic, but I got extra ice in it so that I could munch on it instead of sweets. But, man, I still got out the gummy bears! What is it with me?

I can’t wait for the baby to get on more of a schedule and to sleep through the night so that I can get back to walking. I really miss it and I know that it will help my blood sugar so, so much. Plus, I want to lose at least another 20 lb. and eating like I have been and not exercising just isn’t helping my weight either. I’m pretty sure I was down to 197 at some point since the baby was born because I remember thinking that I had lost 51 lb. Now I’m hovering between 200 and 205. Which is still pretty darn good seeing as a year ago I was 248. Wow, that just hit me. It’s been a year since I was diagnosed with diabetes.

Ok, so maybe I’m being a little hard on myself this morning, but with good reason, I think. Seeing as where I’ve been in the last two months, I need to more or less quit eating cold turkey. But I’m eating my Sonic ice, which is really helping and I only had a handful of gummy bears. I had a Nutri Grain bar as my snack and I’ll eat lunch earlier than usual. I’ve been told that diabetes won’t or shouldn’t have any affect on my milk supply and production, but I just can’t help wonder if that’s part of the problem. And there’s really not a problem, it’s just that the baby eats sort of funny sometimes and I don’t get consistent amounts of milk when I pump. I told the sitter this morning that I’m only going to pump once because it’s too frustrating to pump for 20 minutes and make my nipples incredibly sore and only get less than 4 oz.

So part of my new goals is to write down everything I eat like I did when I was pregnant. That seemed to help. So I’ve done that today. My post breakfast reading was 137, which is high, but not bad considering I started at 121. So my post lunch reading, even with gummy bears this morning, was 92. I’m SO happy with that. So hopefully that will be motivation for me to keep on the straight and narrow for the rest of the day. There are two cookies in the printer room and I’m trying to resist. I had one this morning and I think the only reason I would have another one is because it’s there. I need to think about a snack for this afternoon, though, because I’ll be leaving in 45 minutes to go nurse the baby and I’ll definitely need something to eat either before or after. Considering getting another soda since I’m about out of ice.